


alone?

by maddylime



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Depression, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Killing Game Was A Virtual Reality Simulation (Dangan Ronpa), M/M, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Post-Game(s), kokichi is mute because of trauma, shuichi misses him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29596533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddylime/pseuds/maddylime
Summary: after the killing game kokichi locked himself in his room, not coming out for anyoneshuichi can’t pretend not to notice it
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 151





	alone?

**Author's Note:**

> hi and welcome back to writing fanfiction during class in my notes app because i can’t focus :)))

The room Shuichi woke up in was cold.  


And unfamiliar.  


And...scary.  


But he quickly figured out why he was here. This wasn’t the killing game, not even close. And when he saw the faces of the friends he thought were dead rushing in a few minutes later, he connected the dots.  


It was hard to live on, knowing what happened. Shuichi’s mental health was about destroyed. 

But it was easier with everyone around. They all struggled together.  


One person was missing.  


No one mentioned it.  


But it was so obivous.  


The absence of Kokichi left a space in everyone’s conversations. Like they were all waiting for him to pop in and say something. But he never did.  


Every time that happened, Shuichi imagined what he would say, what he would do. He would imagine his smile, his laugh. 

But it wasn’t there. _He_ wasn’t there. 

The only person who had ever saw him was Kaito, as he had woken up around the same time.  


Shuichi asked him what he was like. 

And Kaito told him that Kokichi didn’t speak to _anyone._ Not even to ask questions. His eyes looked blank and he barely moved. He refused to eat or drink anything. The doctors were worried and kept him in the hospital room for much longer than Kaito was there.  


No one was allowed to visit his hospital room. It was likely that Kokichi _himself_ asked for that. 

And after he left, Kokichi wasn’t seen by anyone. They were all assigned rooms to stay in, and Kokichi was most likely locked in there. Others had tried to visit, but the door never opened. There was no sound to even confirm he was there.  


Shuichi didn’t try to visit. He didn’t know what he would say.  


He had been thinking a lot lately, about the game and about what he did during it. His guilt drove him to overly apologize to everyone though none really blamed him.  


But he hadn’t apologized to Kokichi yet. He didn’t know _how._  


The realizations of what Kokichi _really_ did came _after_ he woke up. It was too late, all of his in game reactions were recorded for everyone to see. For _Kokichi_ to see.  


Shuichi knew better now. He thought about Kokichi’s plan numerous times, imagining what it must have been like to keep that a secret. To distance yourself from everyone and make yourself a target. To go so far as to kill someone and _yourself_ just to take a chance to possibly save some more lives.  


Possibly save _Shuichi’s_ life

But Shuichi wasn’t paying attention to that in the game. He wasn’t paying attention to _him_ in the game. And who he truly was. And what he was really doing.  


He couldn’t make the same mistake twice.  


But if Kokichi wouldn’t open the door for anyone else, why would he open the door for him?  


__

He wouldn’t.  


__

The time Shuichi saw Kokichi again was complete chance. It was late, past midnight. Shuichi was in the cafeteria they were forced to eat at. He didn’t feel like sleeping tonight, too many nightmares. It was quiet in here and he liked the quiet, so he pulled out a book someone had sent him and started reading.  


__

Kokichi came in soon after. He didn’t see Shuichi, or if he did, he didn’t say anything. Shuichi was startled for a second as he watched him walk over to the vending machine.  


__

Why was he here? Well, it made some sort of sense. No one ever saw him leaving his room, so he must only get food when he thinks no one will catch him.  


__

But Shuichi was still startled for another reason.  


__

Kokichi looked...sickly and depressed. Like his face was permanently stained with tears, his eyes were permanently tired and his body was permanently thin. With the short sleeves he was wearing, the scratches that marked his arms were visible. Though they didn’t seem harsh, they were plentiful. It was almost worse, those wounds would heal quickly, so in order for them to stay they most have been made recently and often.  


__

“Kokichi...” Shuichi whispered, surprised by how weak his voice sounded. He didn’t know why he was speaking, it just happened.  


__

And he didn’t know if he intended for that to be heard, but it was quiet in the room. So either way, Kokichi had heard him.  


__

He turned around slowly, his movements making him seem even more fragile. Shuichi hoped to hear his voice, to hear that he was okay enough to speak. But Kokichi didn’t answer. He just stared with lifeless eyes.  


Still, he didn’t move away.  


__

“I’m sorry” Shuichi tried. It wasn’t a good apology, but he had to say _something._  


__

Kokichi still didn’t say anything.  


__

“I’m sorry” Shuichi repeated, feeling tears in his eyes. He really was. He was so sorry.  


__

Kokichi’s face was blank.  


__

They stared into each other’s eyes, neither seeming to want to break the eye contact.  


__

Shuichi didn’t know what to say, hoping his eyes would convey it for him.  


__

“I missed you” he settled on whispering, adding to the intense gaze they shared.  


__

Kokichi didn’t speak. But he moved this time.  


__

Slowly, he walked over to Shuichi, sitting down next to him.  


__

It felt weird to be this close with how far apart they had been.  


__

Up close, Kokichi looked...worse. His fatigue was more prominent, the scratches more obvious and his hair was a mess.  


__

But he still was _here._  


It was still _him_

__

He pulled out something from his pocket, a notepad with a pencil attached.  


__

And he wrote in a messy handwriting, _“I missed you too”_  


__

It suddenly became clear to Shuichi that whether it was by choice or something else, he _wasn’t_ okay enough to speak.  


__

Shuichi couldn’t really find it in himself to care. Kokichi was still communicating with him, he was still right next to him and _he missed him too._  


__

“I’m so sorry, Kokichi. I didn’t mean to, I didn’t, I didn’t want, I, I just” Shuichi struggled to get his words out. He wanted so badly to make Kokichi feel better but he couldn’t find the words to say what he wanted to say.  


__

Kokichi interrupted him by writing something else down, _“Don’t say you’re sorry. I know.”_  


__

Don’t say sorry? How could he not say sorry?  
Kokichi must have noticed his change of expression because he quickly wrote something else down, _“You tried your best, it’s okay. I should be saying sorry. I’m sorry, Shuichi.”_  


__

Kokichi saying sorry wasn’t something he expected. Though Shuichi supposed he didn’t know the real Kokichi at all. Or rather, he only knew the parts Kokichi was willing to show him.  


__

He appreciated the apology, but he had already accepted it. He couldn’t really blame anyone for what they did during the game, it was so hard on all of them. It was a different situation, it made them all do extreme things.  


__

“I forgive you” Shuichi promised, really meaning it.  


__

Kokichi picked up the pencil and wrote again, _“Now forgive yourself”_  


__

Forgive...himself?  


__

...That was too difficult.  


__

And how could Kokichi say that? Clearly he hadn’t forgiven himself either.  


__

“Not until you do” Shuichi countered.  


__

Kokichi stopped for a moment, before picking up the pencil and writing again, _“That’s no fair.”_  


__

“Why?” Shuichi questioned, though he believed he knew the answer.  


__

Kokichi looked up from the notepad to stare at Shuichi again. Shuichi had an odd urge to reach out and touch his face. But he didn’t give in.  


__

After a moment, Kokichi looked back to the notepad, writing down something else, _“You know what I did”_  


__

Shuichi knew. He knew all too well. He had nightmares about it and could still hear the words from the fourth and fifth trial clearly in his head.  


__

But he also had nightmares about Kokichi. About him in the game, about what he thought before he died.  


__

But the worst ones were about finding him dead _here_ one day. And this wasn’t a virtual reality, this was _real._  


__

“I still...I still care about you” Shuichi revealed.  


__

Kokichi replied quickly, _“Why?” _  
__

_____ _

Why? Why did he care?  


It was a difficult question to answer. And if he really wanted to, it would probably be too complicated of an explanation for how tired Kokichi looks right now.  


_____ _

“I just do” Shuichi stated.  


_____ _

Kokichi didn’t write anything down.  


_____ _

Part of Shuichi just wanted to forget about the killing game, no matter how selfish of a request that was. He just wanted to move on and for everything to be okay again.  


It wouldn’t happen, but he could try.  


“Come back to my room with me” Shuichi offered. He was scared to leave Kokichi alone, not when he finally found him again. Plus, he had better food in his room than the vending machine snacks Kokichi was going for. 

Kokichi looked puzzled, taken aback by his words. He quickly wrote, _“Are you serious?”_  


“Yes” Shuichi confirmed.  


_____ _

Kokichi took a few moments to consider. Shuichi was scared he’d decline.  


_____ _

The silence between them was heavy, heavier than before.  


_____ _

_“Fine”_ he wrote.  


_____ _

Shuichi smiled, a genuine one, before he stood up and offered his hand to Kokichi. He didn’t think before doing it, but once he did, it felt right.  


_____ _

Kokichi looked at him, probably contemplating if he should take his hand or not.  


_____ _

Eventually, he did.  


_____ _

Their hands fit perfectly.  


_____ _

Shuichi smiled again, “Thank you”  


_____ _

And Kokichi gave him a slight smile back.

_____ _

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this!!!


End file.
